Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Randomize
