Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
