There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
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