ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
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