Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
