last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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