We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
