TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Randomize
