I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
