I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
