he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
