I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
