No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
