party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
