I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
