dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
