grandma shit on top of the toilet
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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