I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I love how my cats smell like pot.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
