The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
