whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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