This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
