he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
