The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I think my moral compass just broke
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
