We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
40s are totally the cure
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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