I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
