I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
