my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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