does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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