The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
