I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
