I love black thongs
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
