soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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