I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
We need to get me chipped asap
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