I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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