I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
