nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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