Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Randomize
