Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Randomize
