people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
