and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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