I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
