I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
