Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
