Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
