I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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