I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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