Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
