walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
The uberlube is also flammable
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
