Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
