This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
